Medical Humour

Due to a job transfer, Brian moved from his hometown to New York City.  Being that he had a very comprehensive health history, he brought along all of his medical paperwork, when it came time for his first check up with his new Doctor. After browsing through the extensive medical history, the Doctor stared at Brian for a few moments and said, ” Well there’s one thing I can say for certain, you sure look better in person than you do on paper!

Sally walked in to the Dentist office to make an appointment. “How much do you charge to pull out a tooth?” She asked.” “It’s $130”, was the prompt reply. “$130!” gasped Sally, that’s ridiculous! There must be a way for you to go cheaper.” “Well,” said the Dentist thoughtfully, I suppose if we don’t numb it, we could knock off $30.” “Only $30?,” countered Sally, “that’s still $100, you’ve got to make it cheaper.” “Well,” said the Dentist after a long pause, “I suppose if we take it out with a wrench we could knock it down to $50.” “Perfect”, said Sally happily. “I would like to make an appointment for next Tuesday, for my husband Jack.”

An Old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg. “I am afraid it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.” “That can’t be” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.” “How can you possibly know I am wrong?” countered the doctor. “Well it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”

“Statistically…. 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.”

“Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.”

“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”

“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”

“Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.”

“URINE: opposite of ‘you’re out.’”

“There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass.’”

“He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.”

 

 
 
© 2019 Roselands Doctors